


I crept outside once you fell asleep

by icestar663



Series: More than just Cyborgs [2]
Category: EOS 10 (Podcast)
Genre: Alcohol, Implied/Referenced Drug Use, Implied/Referenced Suicide, M/M, Nightmares, Suicide Attempt, cyborg akmazian
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-12
Updated: 2016-07-12
Packaged: 2018-07-23 16:03:58
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,090
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7470009
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/icestar663/pseuds/icestar663
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Akmazian wakes to find his bed empty and a bottle of very expensive whisky not where it should be.</p>
<p>Ryan relives bad memories and finds solace in his lover's arms.</p>
            </blockquote>





	I crept outside once you fell asleep

**Author's Note:**

> Title - Electricity is in my soul - Steam Powered Giraffe.

Akmazian rolled over in his sleep, stretching out his cybernetic arm and expecting to feel Ryan's skin beneath his fingers. The slight spark as his electronics brushed his lover's and reminded him that Ryan would never push him away for what he was. But the bed was empty and cold. Ryan had been gone for a while. Akmazian sat up and blinked, rubbing his eyes as he saw the light under the door to the living area. He padded open and quietly opened the door.

Ryan looked over, his eyes rimmed red from crying and a tumbler of amber liquid in his right hand. Akmazian sighed softly, moving over and carefully bundling Ryan in his arms, taking the whisky from him as placing the glass on the floor as he held Ryan tighter, “If you're planning to drown your sorrows, darlin; do you mind not using the expensive stuff? Or at least invite me to join you.” He kissed the top of Ryan's head, “What happened?”

Ryan curled up against him in silence, contemplating how to express what was in his head, “I-I... I had a nightmare. That's all.”

“Must have been one hell of a nightmare to drive you to the 100 credit a bottle Venusian whisky at four in the morning.”

Ryan nodded, “I... I wanted to forget.”

“Please talk to me, Ry... I know you have nightmares a lot. I wake up and you're not there with me. It might help a little just to tell me?”

“It doesn't help. No one listens. Only Ellie-” Ryan swallowed thickly, “Only Ellie cares.”

“Not true. I care. I've cared about you since I met you, more than words can say.” Akmazian gently stroked Ryan's back, “No matter what, I'm here for you.”

“I lied to you,” Ryan murmured, considering every word and speaking slowly and carefully to try to avoid stuttering, “I told you he couldn't leave me fast enough. But he... H-He's never left me. He though that-that being a cyborg meant I don't feel like... l-like-” Ryan broke off, his mouth moving but unable to get the words out.

“It's okay, Ryan. Take your time. You're amazing.” Akmazian held Ryan close, letting him cry in a way he hadn't been allowed to in years.

“Th-The therapists... some of them agreed... said I deserved it... th-that I deserved what he did to me.”

“Never. You didn't deserve it, Ry. You're brave and beautiful and don't deserve this hurt.”

“H-He beat me...” Ryan's voice was barely a trembling whisper, “U-Used me. Used me however he wanted whenever he wanted.” He started to sob harder, clinging to Akmazian like he would fall apart without him.

Akmazian tensed, holding Ryan tighter, “You never deserved that.”

“He used to say... that because my spine is cybernetic... I don't feel like r-real people... so it doesn't matter what he did to me...”

“Yes it does matter. You deserve as much love and kindness and respect as anyone else does. You're amazing Ryan, and don't let anyone ever tell you otherwise.”

Ryan looked up, “I don't understand.”

“What's that, darlin'?”

“How I deserve you.” Ryan replied simply, “How can you just take something like that in your stride. How can you still touch me?”

“Because I care for you. Because you are Ryan Dalias and nothing can change that fact. You're still you and I still love you. And trust me, if I had anything more to go on I would hunt that guy down and rip him limb from limb.”

Ryan shook his head, “He's in prison.” He looked down, “Physical and emotional abuse... sexual... I wake up thinking he's still on me. The defence tried to say that... that I couldn't have felt it because I'm cybernetic. Ellie went mental at them. Mom and Dad did their best but without Ellie... I wouldn't be here. I'd either be trapped in that guy's house or dead.”

“How did she get you out?” Akmazian asked, looking down at him, still gently playing with his hair.

“She used to keep track of my expenses, just to make sure I wasn't slipping into old habits. I used to go into the same pharmacy whenever he let me out into town... and I'd buy the same five items so that it spelt out her name on the receipt. Mild painkillers mostly...” Ryan swallowed, “The sort of thing that would make her look more closely. That would make her worried about me. He took away my comm unit so I couldn't contact her any other way. I just had to... hope.” He was quiet for a long moment, savouring the warm contact with Akmazian before softly continuing, “She was almost too late. He got his friends round one day, told them all what I was. They took it in turns. They beat me and... and they raped me... left me in a pool of my own blood... I took as many of the painkillers as I could carry and dragged myself outside, looked up at the stars as all my pain finally faded.” He stopped, feeling a dampness in his hair. He didn't want to move, didn't want to break the connection between them.

“I will always protect you.” Akmazian said fiercely, his face buried in Ryan's hair as he cried, “No matter what, I will never let anyone hurt you again. You're mine to love and cherish and I don't care what anyone else thinks or says, I will keep you safe.”

Ryan shifted and looked up, more tears welling in his eyes as Akmazian's words when he thought he couldn't cry any more, “No one has ever said that to me. I-I was so scared of being pushed away...”

“I will never push you away.” Akmazian murmured, tentatively kissing him, “Never.”

Ryan smiled slightly, “I woke up in hospital. Ellie had forced her way in and found me. Followed the trail of blood. The next time I saw my ex was at the trial. Ellie was there, she barely left my side. Several therapists and many years later... you're the first person I've trusted enough to tell the whole story to.”

“I'm glad you did,” Akmazian said softly, using his thumb to brush away Ryan's tears, “There's just one thing though...” He held Ryan close, “Next time, don't sit out here on your own and suffer. Wake me up so I can help you.”

Ryan nodded, “Okay. I-I'm not used to- I'll try.”

“That's all I ask, darlin'” Akmazian hugged Ryan close, “That's all I ask.”

 


End file.
